Bleh. It's just gross.

I have the weirdest sore throat thing going on. It feels as if there is some weird orb floating in the middle of where my mouth opens up into my throat. You all know where I'm talking about... the space behind the courage hangy ball (couldn't resist a nerdy Full House reference, sorry). There is a cavernous area there, and trust me as I'm trying to describe it to you I keep picturing those horrid diagrams of the human head that you see on decongestant ads. So before I shift into a whole mental collage of pictures from 9th grade biology, let's just all assume you know the area I'm talking about. Anyhoo, in that great but hard to describe area, it feels as if there is.......something. This something doesn't feel connected to the rest of me, so it isn't as if my throat were really swelling up. This feels more like there is just some little....bean or something just floating there, totally free and not forced down my throat by gravity. This bean, however, does have nerves in it that somehow my brain is able to access, so that when I swallow, the bean-thing feels pain and my brain goes "hey something in your throat really freaking hurts dude" and then I feel the pain. It feels almost as if my throat is swelling shut from the inside out... if that makes sense. I was trying to make sense of this crazy phantom floaty bean pain feeling thing by telling one of my coworkers about it. And do you know what he tells me? "You probably swallowed a spider." Okay here is the repeat of that, in case you didn't catch it the first time: "You probably swallowed a spider." According to this guy people swallow around seven spiders a year, and so that's probably what happened and it bit me or something on the way down, and that is what I feel in my throat. ..... Okay first of all, how much must I be snoring for a spider to be able to crawl into my mouth while I am sleeping? How deep of a sleeper am I that I would not feel eight tiny tiny icky feet crawling across my face and then into my mouth? How would I then manage to swallow this spider? Would I have closed my mouth with the spider inside, which caused the spider to panic and bite me and then be swallowed? How could I not feel a spider crawling it's way back into my throat? I know I'm a deep sleeper, but dude. That's just gross. Say it with me now: EeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! You may now begin your icky shiver dance.