Merry Christmas

Today one of the gifts I got for Christmas was a Happy Bunny t-shirt. This one said "I hear what you're saying, I just don't care." My Mom said that it reminded her of me. I was thinking about that earlier. See, I spent the first 20 or so years of my life doing everything I could to make sure that everybody around me was happy. My happiness level just did not matter to me, it was all about everybody else. Then I hit 20 and just sort of...stopped caring so much. I'm not sure what the straw was that broke my people-pleasing camel's back, but it sure broke. I stopped agreeing. What's more I stopped being quiet when I disagreed. When somebody asked "don't you think so Erin?" isntead of just shrugging and trying to change the subject, I said "Actually no." and left it at that. It was amazing, I felt so free and so very much happier to not be everybody's puppet. Somehow, though, that new found confidence and backbone faded into the background after that school year. Maybe it was starting a new job, maybe it was taking a "break" from theater, but suddenly part of me cared again about being liked.... at least when I was around other people. Since I've come home, I've refound that part of myself. It isn't as strong as it was when I first discovered it, but it's getting there. Being home has nurtured me and calmed me enough to realize that maybe growing up isn't so terrible and that not caring about all the little things is part of what makes it fun. That is one of the best Christmas Present of all. I'm so glad I came home.