Swingline never envisioned this...

Yesterday I managed to staple myself to my jeans. Seriously. See, if you've read back on my blog you will know that I almost never find pants that fit me properly. If I find jeans that fit in the waist they are far too long in the legs, and if they fit in the legs they fall right off of me. You would think it would be the other way around, but it isn't... and they say we don't live in a society where there is pressure to be tall and skinny. But whatever. Anyway, a couple of months ago I finally, finally found a couple of pairs of jeans that fit me almost perfectly. One of the pairs was just a little bit too long, that that has been easy enough to correct. I'm sure some of you out there are thinking "take a needle and thread and sew them up!" well, sure-if you want the sensible solution. When have I ever been sensible? No no no, dear reader! Sewing is for people who, unlike me, have some sort of domestic talent or are fairly coordinated. As I have neither talent nor coordination.... I stapled my jeans. I was even smart enough to staple my jeans with the foldy part of the staple on the outside of the jeans to avoid future ankle poking issues. Smart, eh? Or so I thought. Apparently one of the staples on the right leg of my jeans had come unbent a little bit, and yesterday as I was bending down to pick up a special order for a customer, I managed to snag the left sleeve of my sweater on the staple and attach myself to...myself. Of course, I didn't know I had done such a wonderfully slapstick thing until I tried to put the customer's book on the counter and took my leg right along with it. Luckily, I did not fall. Instead, it took me a minute to realize exactly how it was that I was stuck. So for a minute, I was up there, behind the cash register, hopping around and trying not to fall on my butt. Hop, hop, "So sorry." Hop, hop, "Hang on." hop hop hop hop hop, "I just..." hop hop hop "Oh dear." hop hop hop. "Dang... Um... Okay.... THERE we go!" Somehow I managed to lean my elbow on the counter and put the book down without dropping it on the floor. I used my free hand to untangle my sleeve and Viola! I was free!! I rang the customer up, sent her on her way and then turned to look at my boss. My boss, who had been doing such a good job of holding in his laughter, was now purple. He looked a bit like an eggplant, but with facial features. His shoulders were shaking, his eyes were running and he was pushing a fist against his mouth. "What's with you?" I asked, acting as if nothing at all had happened, and my boss exploded with laughter. He laughed so hard I thought he was going to choke. All the while, I stood there, blinking at him with wide innocent eyes as if I were trying to figure out the joke. "What?" I asked. He just laughed harder and went into the back room. Now my pants are stapled so that the foldy part of the staple is on the inside. It was pretty funny.