The "F" Word

Gawd I love Blog Surfing.

Tonight I happily surfed from blog to blog (to blog) reading some really great writing.

I discovered The Cult of the One Eyed Cat while surfing through Wil's store to see if anything particularly tickled my fancy. (Ooh side note to Wil: a black shirt with small a small white "WWDN" in the front and your url/tagline on the back would SO rock) I found Retro Crush by the same site... Darn you Wheaton and your good taste!

Those are the favorites for this evening and if I'm not careful I could end up staying up all night long surfing through all of them. It is so great to find such fun writing out there and reading it makes me think two things:

1) These people's Mothers must not be reading

or (and more admirable)

2) These people's Mothers are reading, but the posters just don't care.

I have reached kind of an....oochy spot with this site. Many people know about it: people who only know me online through great places like The Soapbox, people who I know from Vegas, people I know from California, people from here at home and of course most of my family. Having so many people knowing about my site is great, but it's making posting more....easily controlled by that annoying Self Consciousness. It's the same SC that refuses to let me sing within a fifty mile radius of hearing ears, makes me run from the lens of a camera, that would rather deal with being the freak-in-a-black-sweatshirt than the ruckus a non black-cotton-swathed me would create. It's the same SC that on a (sometimes hourly) basis tells me "Don't cuss in front of Mom."

It's a battle to not fall back into the people-pleasingness of days gone by. It's hard to post what I really think and let the people who never knew I thought like that be shocked (or however you'd say that so that it is grammatically correct). I know that this is something I need to get over because if I don't then I'm not staying true to the whole idea behind this blog: To say what I want to say and to say what I think, not what I think other people want to hear.

So.....in an effort to jumpstart this whole beating down of my self consciousness, check this out:

Fu..........ark.

Well, what did you expect?? My MOM is reading this!

Maybe tomorrow. I will get there. Oh yes. The swearing will be mine.

Is it sad that at 26 I can't cuss in front of my Mom even in an online forum?