And the Hoooooooooooooooooooome Of The Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaves!!

Guns n' Roses. Overalls with only one strap fastened and the legs sometimes rolled up to the knees. Clothes worn backwards. Garth Brooks. Nirvana. Mullets. Flannel shirts and Doc Martens. Hallways that smelled like hot lunch years after the program had been suspended. Learning about Australia by watching Crocodile Dundee. Reading the Outsiders. Listening to the Outsiders on tape. Watching the Outsiders movie with Ralph Macchio and Matt Dyllon. Forced Keyboarding class. The seal movie in frosh bio. The pig magnet on the camera every fall when they took school pictures. Letterman's jackets on 15th birthdays. Homecoming. Walking laps around the track during football season. Pep Band. Cheerleading. No Cheerleading. Cheerleading. Funerals. Hall passes made from tree branches. Stair laps. Enforced Line Dancing Lessons. "Hunting rifles should be left at home, not in the gun racks of your cars." CATs PSATs SATs. Current Events. "In order to succeed you must invest in the stock market." Fake taxes. Basketball state. Red and Black. Screaming the last word of the national anthem (even now I'll scream it in my head). It all started yesterday when I ran into a girl I graduated with. It weirded me out for the rest of the day. I don't know why I was so surprised to see her. Even though the last time I'd seen her was the day we graduated, and I didn't move back to the town I'd gone to high school in, the county I live in is a small county. I am bound to run into people I went to school with. In fact I had to call the house of a guy whose Mom used to work with my Mom. Seeing her wasn't a negative experience at all, it was just strange, and set forth this huge avalanche of memories and curiosity until....my stupid curiosity got the better of me and I posted my profile to classmates.com. With a link to this site. There's a song we learned in choir "Oh Dear What Can the Matter Be?" which has sinced morphed into "Oh Dear What's the Matter With Me?" in my head....which makes for an interesting mix with the Punk Covers I'm listening to right now (see my discman typelist). I. Did. Not. Like. High School. At All. I was the Weird Kid. I was so uncool and unpopular that I almost became cool and popular by default. I stopped just a few steps shy of being a trendsetter. Instead I was just a trendavoider. While I never tried to wear a patent leather jumper to school (claiming that it was "in") I did encase myself in an alarmingly huge black hooded sweatshirt that over time became more a part of my identity than my actual personality. I had thick coke-bottle bifocals, and no matter how often I showered my hair was so long that the weight of it pulled it down and made it look nasty and oily (shampoo has come a long way since then) and refused to stay attached to my scalp (much shedding). I did drama (which felt like practically committing a crime in my sports oriented little town). I was shy, stubborn and very rarely talked to anybody outside of my small circle of friends. This was the great Catch 22 that defined my high school experience. Because of my shyness and awkwardness and extreme fear of rejection I had a hard time approaching others, especially if I didn't know them very well. And because I never talked first or even talked much at all, a bunch of people decided I was a snob and called me such, and it snowballed from there. They didn't like be because I didn't talk and therefore there was no way I was going to START talking because I knew they didn't like me. My life was hard enough already being (I felt) the school freak, I didn't want to make it worse. The few times I did talk I was always the voice of the minority. I was the liberal kid in a class full of republicans. I was (and still am) anti-death penalty and pro-choice and in favor of gay rights. I liked Bill Clinton, didn't believe he should be impeached, and did not give a care whether or not OJ did it (although watching the verdict was cool). I read anything I could get my hands on unless it was assigned as homework and then I avoided it until the last possible second. Everybody was convinced I got straight A's and loved to do my homework and somehow managed to miss the fact that I was always frantically writing papers the class period before they were due and then daydreaming during the actual classes. I went to the library whenever possible--not to do schoolwork or study but to write letters or stories, or simply read until the next class came along and I SUCKED at P.E. Holy God I Hated That Class. Since then.... not Too much has changed. Hamburgers from Don's (now the Main Street Diner) are still my favorite food, I still consider Doritos and Pepsi a perfectly acceptable lunch. I still love the Muppets, Disney movies and cartoons. I'm still the only liberal person in a room full of republicans (darn that Bill Clinton book for making that so apparent). I still don't care whether or not OJ did it. I still like Bill Clinton and hope Kerry wins the race for President--at this point I would rather have a garden weed be president than George W, but that is a whole other post. I would still suck at P.E. I am still anti-death penalty, pro-choice and the idea of a constitutional amendment prohibiting gay marriage makes me ashamed to be American. I am still shy around new people, don't like talking in class and mostly listen to conversations without really participating in them (unless I can't help it). I still love to read and I still read kids books. I still love musical theater and the Beatles. John Lennon is still up there on my hero list. Obviously I still write. I still sing, although now it's only when I'm alone and only for me. I still dream of a career on the screen and plan on achieving that dream eventually. I still procrastinate and leave everything to the last second, and I still care way more about helping other people than I do about taking care of myself. On the other hand, I cut my hair, found a shampoo that works (finally), my glasses are featherweights and I finally put that sweatshirt away. I still have it. I don't know that I could ever throw it away, but I don't wear it anymore. Right now it's in my bedroom. I can't say that my fashion sense has gotten better. I would live in overalls or jeans and baseball jerseys if I had my way, but the clothes do fit when I wear them. Most importantly I'm calmer, and more centered. I've learned the hard way what really matters in life and what does not, and I've learned never to take anything for granted. I know that while what I do for a living may keep me in a city, I am really a country person at heart. I'd rather trample through the woods and over earth than slap my feet across pavement. I love the rain and prefer playing in it to watching it through windows. [/Chicken Soupy speech] Huh. I just wrote a really long personal ad. Um... Oh yeah, and I love taking long walks on the beach with that special handsome someone *tee hee* And now I have to run away screaming.