A Very Bad Day

Just some simple common sense requests from an almost postal bookseller:1) If you go into a bookstore need to find six books, tell the person who is helping you that you need to find six books. Don't wait until they get you the first book and then say "Okay now do you have..." for every single book. This will prevent your bookseller from having to drag you on windsprints from one side of the store to the other when inevitably the next book you want is at the polar opposite side of the store from where you're standing.2) When you order your latte, mocha, frappy thing--mention those oh so important details like "decaf", "non-fat", "sugar-free" up front. Don't wait until the girl/guy behind the counter hands you the drink to ask if it's decaf, nonfat, or sugar free... and for jeez sakes, don't say "You made this [whatever way] right?" That "of course" will usually mean "Not a chance in hell. Drink it anyway"3) When somebody walks by and asks if you need help, don't say No then approach the same person at the Customer Service Desk five minutes later and demand to know why nobody is helping you. 4) If somebody is a) walking through a store carrying a stack of product they are using their Face to balance, b) pushing a cart loaded with product, c)wearing the company logo on any part of their body, d) wearing the store uniform, e)standing behind any sectional divider that is meant to divide the customers from the employees, f)talking on a store provided phone while typing at a store provided computer, g)emerging from any doorway marked "employees only", h)carrying a cash drawer, or i)helping another customer: Yes they work there. Yes they can help you. 5) A lone cashier frantically trying to ring through a line of customers that reaches to the other side of the galaxy is NOT the person to ask if they are busy. That smile does not mean "oh you silly boy, you didn't notice my line of customers, hang on a sec and I'll help you because even though these other people have been waiting since birth, you are obviously crowned prince of the universe and are more deserving of my help than they are." That smile means "%**!!@@!# you, you *%%^**$$ing !!??%$#*ity *%%!@##$" 6) Never ever ever ever ever ever EVER ask any employee if anybody in their store works. 7) If an employee says "Yes that's right over here" That means to FOLLOW THEM WHERE THEY ARE GOING. It does not mean to stand exactly in the same spot until they come back and then ask for something else (see request 1). On the flip side of this, if an employee tells you they are just going to look in the stockroom or where ever, and they'll be right back then for the love of god stay there. That was not an invitation to take a little stroll to the other side of the store and start shopping for something else. 8) If an employee hands something to you, Take It. They don't care if you put it back six seconds later after they walk away. Just take the damn whatever it is because they just had to find it for you while you stood there humming the theme to M*A*S*H. 9) If you are eleven feet tall and the person helping you is five feet tall and whatever you want is on the top shelf, don't just stand there stupidly and wait for them to track down a step stool to climb up there and get whatever it is you want. Get it down yourself, Especially if you don't have any intention of buying whatever it is....unless you want to volunteer to be the step stool yourself. 10) Give them your freaking e-mail address/last four of the phone number/zip code. It doesn't matter that you don't really want to give it out, they don't really want to ask you for it. 11) "If you need anything else go ahead and ask" does not mean Absolutely Anything. 12) Getting to see the register/computer screen is for employees, not you. Don't touch the establishmental equipment. Don't lean way over the counter and act irritated because you can't see. If you were meant to see, the computer would have it's screen facing you. 13)Watch your kids. Don't let them run wild. We barely get paid enough to do the job we were doing before your hellions came into the store. We definitely don't earn enough to provide free baby-sitting. 14) Don't try to put stuff back yourself--you'll only put it back in the wrong spot. The flip side of this--if you drag out a three foot pile of product, don't leave it all over the floor/table. At least pile it up, and if you're actually a nice person take it to or point it out to an employee and at least offer an apology for the mess. It doesn't matter if you don't mean it. They don't really mean it when they say "that's okay." 15) Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever touch the employees. Shoulder pats, back rubs (however short), arm squeezes, hand pats, HEAD PATS are absolutely off limits, as are any stupid cutesy nicknames. The person helping you has a real name and it is Not "hon" "darlin" "sweetie" "cutie" "baby" or anything of the sort. Not allowed. Irritating as all hell. If you pat me on the shoulder and I pull away that means, in no certain terms: "Don't touch me snotface." It does not mean "Hey thanks, I like that. Please grab my shoulder now to prevent me from going back to my job." Remember this very simple rule: If the person helping you can swing their arms and smack you, you are standing TOO CLOSE.