February 23, 2005
I could never be a movie star
Sometimes I fantasize about starting a new blog, a totally anonymous one. It isn't that I don't love this blog... in fact I'd probably still keep up with it. It's more that I kind of miss my anonymity. This is how I know that I could never handle fame.
Does anybody else ever go through this? You want to just let loose and post about all that is bugging you or that is making you totally happy but then you think of the people you know in 3-d that read you and you start to bog yourself down in how they might react. I am getting kind of tired of censoring myself, especially on my blog, but really I don't want to have to have six conversations that will be "I didn't know [insert blogged about situation here] was [happening/being thought about/bugging you/being done to you/being done by you, etc etc etc]! Tell me everything right now!"
There is comfort in anonymity.
When I started this whole thing it was just for me. Now I find myself hiding behind that image of myself that I project to 95% of the population and I think that is starting to show, and really that means that my blog isn't about me anymore... at least not the me I'm trying to be.
I want to write about how something drives me crazy, but I know that somebody who knows me will read it and think I'm writing about something else and then tell somebody else that I was blogging about situation B when I wasn't. I want to write about something funny that GK did or something we did together but I know that somebody who I know, however peripherally, in 3-D will then try to guess who GK is in the 3-D world and so far we've done a pretty good job of keeping the rumors at bay. It's so complicated Avril Lavigne songs are worming their way into my brain.
On the other hand, I have worked VERY hard on this blog, and I love all of people who read me, send me comments, link to me (thanks y'all!), and support me in this. I am also very lucky to have been blogging for over a year now and not yet been flamed (that I know of).
I don't know. I'm just....mulling....while still slightly....hormonal (a potentially dangerous activity). Any thoughts/advice?
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